Sep 5, 2013

Too many bad days.

I really do try and put my days into perspective. There is always going to be someone having a shittier day, in epic proportions. I live in a safe country, in a happy home. But I can't use this as a tool of denial, I've been having bad days. And I'm really, really looking forward to the time when I start having good days again.

Today I smiled as I chatted with the postie, who, I'm starting to get the impression, does not like so-very-much all of my online shopping. I felt like I'd really over done it today, when my haul arrived. I'm pretty sure I'll have to keep things in check. "It's for the wedding" is becoming an easy excuse. I've not been tapping into our tiny wedding budget, though, instead spending what little money I do have planning out two very big days. (Above, embroidery initials [via,Also, I'd love one of these!] one for H and one for me, the H will go in the lining of my dress, the C will go inside his flat cap. Because we can.)

Fabric for my trial dress (aka: standby dress) arrived today. I've already washed, pressed and am airing it. And I love it! Those colours are perfect to brighten ones day, and yet.

I've been thinking lately about the afters. After the wedding, after all my planning comes to fruition. I realised that I'll need to have a project (or a few!) on the go to fill the gap which will surely be there once we've said 'I do'.

So focused on the future, on what has not happened, so focused on the past, so not in the now.
Now I am drinking hot black tea with a touch of milk. Made lovingly by my fiance.
Now I am thinking about what vegetables should go with the meat pie I've made the menfolk for dinner.
Now I am aware of the smell of washing powder and jasmine.
Now I am aware of the cat, exploring.

These are the things that are real, right now. My bad days are all in my mind.

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