Sep 7, 2015

I am fat.

I am fat. Capital F- capital A- capital T. Not only am I fat, I'm not good at getting thinner. I love food. I love food until I feel full (too full), I love baked goods, and I'm a mean home cook. I've made many attempts to reverse the fat over the years. Some would say I have a problem with willpower. To that I would say "yes, my friend, I do!" I also eat for comfort. I eat as a social activity- I catch up with friends and do brunch, because brunch is awesome.

I've flirted with the fat acceptance movement. "Why yes, I'm fat! Yes, I'm healthy!" I've been proud of the fact that my body is not showing signs of being brought down by this fatness, proud that my cholesterol, blood sugar and blood pressure results come back as fine. But for how long? I take medication that can cause increase cholesterol levels, and I have seen some iffy results in the past, but further tests have shown a healthy result. How long will this continue, though? How many more slices or raisin toast will it take to kick my results over the unhealthy abyss? Further to this, babies might be in our future. I want to decrease the risks my obesity poses on an unborn child, to decrease the risks of complication for myself, too, as baby making is riskier for the overweight woman.

Those of you reading along at home might note that this is not the first time I have made this fat-loss declaration. I don't plan on changing the method for which to lose weight, but I do hope to change the psychological aspect of the journey. So the song hasn't changed, but the tune has to. I have one simple goal. I want to decrease the size of my pregnant-not pregnant belly. As it decreases of course other areas will also, too, which will be a win! So I'm starting again. Me and my tummy are going to rock this shit. And if I fail, I will start over again. I'm always going to have a butt that goes for miles. I'm always going to be curvy. Hell, I may even always be overweight. But I can do it in a healthier way.

I'm starting again.

Image credit: The Library of Congress, via Flickr

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